It’s 6.18am and I feel exhausted, overwhelmed by content from the simple act of opening my emails; offers that I so want to sign up to, emails I need to respond to, articles that I want to read and websites I want to check out. I click on one which takes me down a rabbit hole, reminding me of how much I still have to do.
There are daily courses sitting unopened that I am reminded of as another one pops into my inbox, silently glaring at me for not acknowledging it.
I didn’t do my early morning routine this morning and feel a little grumpy with myself as a result. I remind myself that I only have a limited amount of time to write before I need to feed the dogs, the chickens, sort out the tools for the gardener. Then I really should organise dinner because we have swimming lessons this afternoon which means we won’t be home until late, there’s a load of washing in the machine that I need to get out… the floodgates open and the should’s all tumble in.
My intention this morning was to spend some time writing after my early morning routine. To tap in to what I would like to say, to unravel the gift within me that I want to share. To connect with my voice in that quiet space.
I open a blank document to start and all I hear are the voices of everyone else.
I am overwhelmed.
And then I remember my questions and remember there is a better way. An easier way. A kinder way.
My voice is in there I remind myself, just sit for a moment, just sit. Calm.
So I sit and I breath. I listen to the birds outside, the guinea fowl screeching that it’s time for their breakfast, the peacock calling to the fowl to be quiet, the frogs in the pond. I smile as my energy is instantly called back home.
It’s drawn back in from the busy-ness and the fast pace that is the digital world, back in to my heart centre, where it belongs.
Ahhhhh. I am here, in this moment. There is nowhere else I need to be right now. There is nothing else I need to do. Simply be here now.
That feels good.
I call on my Timekeeper to guide me through this minefield that is my inbox.
What if it’s not a minefield? I hear.
What if it’s a garden, filled with flowers and plants, yes, and some weeds. Some of the flowers need watering, some are quite content to simply be there with no attention needed right now.
A garden, yes, that feels better. I can deal with a garden!
I gently speak to the child within me and apologise for the harshness of the morning. For the insinuation that I am not good enough, that I need more than what is within me right now.
I remind myself that I have all the time I need, all the time I choose.
My heart rate begins to slow, my breathing deepens.
I laugh at myself, did I not just finish an ebook on dealing with overwhelm not so long ago?!
Yes, they say we teach what we need to know.
This morning I chose to ‘be’ overwhelmed. I chose to identify with the chaos, the crippling sensation of there being so much to do and the unfair judgment that I am not quick enough, good enough or that I know enough.
It is a good feeling to know that with tools around me, even though I still go there, even though I still dip into those places that don’t serve me, I am able to bounce back a whole lot quicker.
A good, good reminder.
I take 10 minutes to stretch my body whilst looking at my vision board. Re connecting with myself, focusing on what is important to me. Connecting with my message and my work.
I open my laptop once more and with a feeling of connection and humour, I can begin.
Wishing you delightful blessings & a productive day,
Here’s the ebook I mentioned … I’m about to re-read it!